- Face each other and eliminate distractions.
- Pray together before beginning the conversation.
- Put your spouse first by listening more than speaking. Be emotionally safe.
- Listen with your ears, mind and heart.
- Stay engaged and connected. Be patient. Don’t shut down or be passive. Don’t withdraw or hurry to end the conversation.
- Don’t interrupt, bicker, or respond with contempt, sarcasm, humor, anger or defensiveness.
- Don’t criticize your spouse’s feelings.
- Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt – you can’t accurately judge another person’s heart.
- Focus on making your spouse feel honored, valued and understood. This is more important than solving the problem you are discussing.
- Ask questions that require descriptive answers. Clarify with questions and reflective statements.
- Don’t use sweeping generalizations like “You always…” or “You never…”
- Empathize – try to see the situation through your spouse’s eyes. Remember that whatever your spouse says makes perfect sense to him or her.