You’re most likely familiar with the 5 Love Languages*:
- Words of Affirmation – this language uses words to affirm other people.*
- Acts of Service – For these people, actions speak louder than words.*
- Receiving Gifts – For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.*
- Quality Time – This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.*
- Physical Touch – To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.*
*Content and photo credit:Â http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Which one is your love language? My top 2 are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.
My husband likes to claim I need all five. I’m still waiting for all my gifts. 😉
Through a course/book called Intimate Encounters written by David and Teresa Ferguson, they identified Top Ten Relational Needs. Do any of the Top 5 Love Languages fit? Read through these Top Ten additional love languages and see if these needs better define your personal relational needs.
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Acceptance – Receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior has been imperfect) and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you and me. (Romans 15:7)
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Affection – Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such “I love you” or “I care about you.” (Romans 16:16, Mark 10:16)
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Appreciation – Expressing thanks, praise, or commendation, particularly in recognition of someone’s accomplishments or efforts. (1 Corinthians 11:2, Colossians 3:15b)
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Approval (Blessing) –Â Building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do) affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person. (Ephesians 4:29, Mark 1:11)
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Attention – Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking notice of others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds (1 Corinthians 12:25)
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Comfort – Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain. (Romans 12:15, Matthew 5:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3,4)
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Encouragement – Urging others to persist and persevere in their efforts to attain their goals, stimulating others toward love and good deeds. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24)
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Respect – Valuing one another highly, treating one another as important, and honoring one another with our words and actions. (Romans 12:10, 1 Peter 2:17)
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Security (Peace) – Establishing and maintaining harmony in our relationships and providing freedom from fear or threat of harm through expressions of vulnerability, deepening of trust, and the successful resolution of conflict. (Romans 12:16, 18)
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Support – Coming alongside others and providing gentle, appropriate assistance with a problem or struggle. (Galatians 6:2)
I love this additional list because it helps my husband understand me better. I knew ‘Respect’ was at the top of my list but ‘Attention’ was just as important to me. It always warms my heart when I see him make the extra effort to meet my needs. I learned a long time ago if your spouse doesn’t come by one of these love languages naturally, keep in mind how much love it takes to do something outside your/their comfort zone.
Share this list with your spouse. Pick your top 3 individually and then share your choices with your spouse. Did you pick similar needs? Keep your spouse’s list on your bathroom mirror or somewhere near where you would see it every day. Try to meet their desired relational needs. We’d love to hear how this exercise goes with your spouse by commenting below.
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