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Conflict Resolution Checklist

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  • Face each other and eliminate distractions.
  • Pray together before beginning the conversation.
  • Put your spouse first by listening more than speaking. Be emotionally safe.
    • Listen with your ears, mind and heart.
    • Stay engaged and connected. Be patient. Don’t shut down or be passive. Don’t withdraw or hurry to end the conversation.
    • Don’t interrupt, bicker, or respond with contempt, sarcasm, humor, anger or defensiveness.
    • Don’t criticize your spouse’s feelings.
    • Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt – you can’t accurately judge another person’s heart.
    • Focus on making your spouse feel honored, valued and understood. This is more important than solving the problem you are discussing.
  • Ask questions that require descriptive answers. Clarify with questions and reflective statements.
  • Don’t use sweeping generalizations like “You always…” or “You never…”
  • Empathize – try to see the situation through your spouse’s eyes. Remember that whatever your spouse says makes perfect sense to him or her.
Northpoint Community Church Thrive Marriage Curriculum – Beta Version 8 week 2.4

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