WHY FORGIVE?
We often wonder why we do not get peace when we forgive someone that has hurt us. Remember that we forgive because we have been forgiven not because the person that hurt us deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is canceling a debt. We are releasing the person that hurt us from what we believe they owe us like apologizing to us or allowing us to tell them how they hurt us.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13
Many people that have hurt us do not believe they need or want our forgiveness.
WHERE DOES THE PEACE COME IN?
Then how do we get peace from forgiveness if we can’t get the apology we deserve or we can’t vent to them about how they hurt us or even get a thank you for forgiving them?
Some peace will come if we let go of what we believe people owe us through forgiveness. Additional peace will come through compassion. Remember the root of our bad behavior is pain. When someone hurts you, try to look beyond their behavior that hurts you to their pain that causes the behavior.
GENERATIONAL HURT
My father was a violent alcoholic who hurt me, my mother and my brother in many ways. Over time, I learned about the pain from his own childhood that caused his bad behavior, which ended up hurting my family during my childhood. As I got older, I had compassion as I would think about how painful my father’s childhood was and this compassion would give me peace.
SEEK TO UNDERSTAND
Seek to understand the pain behind why someone hurt you. If you don’t get the opportunity to discover the pain behind their behavior, have compassion on them anyway knowing that there is some kind of pain there.
What is your forgiveness journey look like? Comment below.
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I had a very dysfunctional family growing up where love was delved out very scarcely by my parents to us kids. I have learned more about their life growing up: My father had an alcoholic father that was such an embarrassment to the family and didn’t provide for them. My father was always in survival mode and never really developed emotionally. My mother was dropped off at a boarding school at age 11 in Europe when her father left the family due to an affair. She never saw her father again. So my mom and dad coming together led to a very difficult family where attachment problems developed for myself and brother and sister. I have had to forgive this situation many times over. The hard part is that the pain does continue in my interactions with them. I have pretty strong emotional boundaries with my parents, and a very supportive husband who helps me in this journey. Of course, my greatest wins take place when I do consider that Jesus died so a tortuous death in order that I might be forgiven.
You have been the definition of being an emotionally healthy spirituality person. I’ve watched you work so hard on being intentional in all areas of your life. I’m blessed to know you.