WOW!
Back in 2003, our counselor, Dr. “Boyd” Whaley from North Georgia Family Counseling Center, shared research that only 10% of marriages are truly happy.* Wow!
If 90% of marriages either stay together unfulfilled or end up in divorce, what does it look like to be in the 10%?
Some common reasons unfulfilled couples stay together are for the kids, financial dependency and/or religious reasons. We seem to be intentional in our dating world but the energy of intentionality seems to wane once we are married.
We stay intentional with our careers by seeking out professional coaches and we hire personal trainers for our health. Why wouldn’t we take the same approach with the most significant relationship in our life and go to counseling?
HOW?
When Russ and I were considering marriage, Boyd asked us how we thought we could be in the 10%. The answer was and is intentionality. We must have a plan. Even if the aforementioned percentages are skewed, intentionality helps any marriage become more fulfilled. One of our pastors, Andy Stanley, shares in a message that “it takes a pulse to fall in love, but it takes a plan to stay in love”. (reference: http://northpoint.org/messages/staying-in-love)
NOW.
You can actually start today, right now, by being intentional:
- Intentional with checking-in with each other
- Intentional with praying out loud with each other
- Intentional with meeting your spouse’s love language
- Intentional by joining a marriage small group*
- Intentional reading a marriage book or attending a marriage seminar together
Like any goal, time and circumstances can thwart your best attempts, which is why we recommend doing life together by joining a small group. These relationships can encourage you when life hands you trials and difficulties. If you’re local to Atlanta, consider joining Thrive*, an 8 week small group which covers topics such as communication, conflict, forgiveness, and the effect your past has on your marriage.
Try one of the aforementioned suggestions. Which one sounds more appealing to start off with? Share with us below.
*I would be remiss in not mentioning some recent research on marriage in this blog. In 2016, our church invited a guest speaker, Shaunti Feldhahn, to discuss her research published in a book called “The Good News about Marriage.” This book debunks discouraging myths about marriage and divorce.
Her research has shown divorce rate to be closer to 25% and even lower amongst folks attending church. The 90% rate above includes couples unfulfilled but Shaunti’s research does paint a more encouraging picture about marriage.
What are your thoughts on these percentages? Comment below!
Love this post! It is so true, for marriage to work, you have to put in a little work!
I see so many people spend lots of time at the gym, but not spend any time looking into the eyes of their spouse! I still have a bunch of work to do, so keep posting awesome blogs!
Thanks for the comment, Jeff! It is interesting that the relationship we cherish the most and celebrate with a grand wedding gets the least attention by some married couples because they think ‘working at marriage’ means you married the wrong person. I certainly thought that before I met Russ and before I did all the counseling work. I’m so grateful for investing in our relationship because of the continued closeness we experience deeper and deeper each year. Thank you both for being such an inspirational couple to us!