Who’s Your Mentor?

Who’s your mentor? Do you think mentors are for kids trying to find their way in life but not for adults? Do you think you could have avoided some past regrets if you had run things by a mentor? Why do we resist inviting advice in some areas of our lives but welcome it in the fields of physical fitness, finances, careers, etc…

Getting Married

Before Russ and I met each other, we would seek out advice before making any big decisions. We certainly did when we considered getting married. My Dad had convinced me when I was 16 years old not to buy into the idea of marriage because things weren’t going so well for him and my Mom. I bought it hook, line and sinker. Dad passed away in 1994. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get permission in 2003 when Russ and I started to get serious. I reached out to my childhood pastors hoping to obtain their blessing and to my surprise I received their permission. They knew my Dad well enough and were able to speak for him. They said Dad would have changed his mind after meeting Russ. It gave me the permission I needed to move forward.

The House

Fast forward a year later, Russ and I were engaged and shopping for a house. We had set a modest budget but before the day was over we said let’s drive over and look at this one dream home. It was on the market and beautiful.

It was over 7,200 square feet with a pool on the golf course. Definitely out of our range. But it was fun to dream, right? There is a rule that you should never sit down in a house while house hunting….it supposedly means you’ll be emotionally hooked into purchasing the home. After we had looked through the house, we walked down this gorgeous staircase and as I looked back up there was Russ sitting at the top of the stairs. I quickly told him “noooo, get up, we cannot buy this house!!” <haha> We joked with the realtor about putting an offer in and said our goodbyes. On the way home, I asked Russ if we could call his buddies from his previous mortgage days to “…just run the numbers.” This was 2004 and the banks were happy to loan us the money. During our final negotiation with the sellers, we had pulled over into an Eckerd Drugs parking lot. It was dark out and it was the best and final stage. I know I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “No” but I chose to ignore it. If only I had listened. We were the same people who sought out counsel before getting married. We turned over every card to make sure we wouldn’t be another divorce statistic. So how in the world did we end up with a dream home we couldn’t afford? It’s because we knew better not to ask anyone. We knew if we laid out the details of this purchase, folks would squash it in a hot minute. The truth of our situation played out. The decision we made in private was now very public. We had planned to live in this home for the next 20 years. Two years into living in this home we were putting a for sale sign out front. Now it’s 2006 and the market tanked. Bad news on an already inflated mortgage. Now everyone knows what we weren’t willing to review up front with trusted mentors.

Career Exit

Going through bad times has a way of either preventing you from ever making those mistakes again or you choose to gloss over the mistakes and continue making them. Russ and I were determined not to have a repeat of such magnitude. Our next life change opportunity came in 2009 when we decided for me to resign and be more available for our daughter Chandler. But we weren’t going to pull the trigger until we ran the idea by many trusted friends/mentors. We shared with everyone what this would mean to us financially in exchange for a better quality of life. Because we chose no one to step into the conversation with the dream home, we probably went overboard by asking 10 people to advise on this decision. It was an insightful exercise and by the way, it was a unanimous decision for me to resign. Professionally, we did this same exercise when Russ was looking to change jobs in 2013. It made it easier to walk away from a huge pipeline of deals and a recently awarded trip to Hawaii.

When you know better you do better!

How is it we could seek out mentors when getting married but not making one of the biggest purchases of our lives? We consider ourselves to be smart people who aren’t afraid to ask for advice. It’s because deep down we knew the answer. We had exhausted every angle about getting married and knew 98% of folks would agree with our decision to get married. But the house was another story. We knew the house was out of our range and anyone could have poked holes in our justification to purchase it. That’s how we ended up with one of our deepest financial regrets. Don’t let pride or ignorance get in the way of being wise.

Seek out mentors before you adore… a car, a house, a ring, any-thing.

Was there a time when you wish you had run things by a mentor/trusted advisor? How different would your life be today? Comment below to share your experience. You may just motivate someone to reach out and look for a mentor.